My Road To Adulthood Pt. II / and other thoughts

Monday, October 26, 2015

How ironic that right after posting about how I identify as a writer, I find myself too busy or too tired from the day to actually write. I've been wanting to get something posted for the past two weeks, but my mind drew blanks. I actually posted a version of this a few days ago, but it felt so forced that I took it down.

The good news is that I am officially settled into my new apartment (!!!).

Two weekends ago, I spent nearly all of my time moving, building furniture, unpacking, and organizing. It's a nice one-bedroom place with so much space that I don't even know what to do with myself. I can have clothes on the floor of my bedroom and still see the floor. I could do a cartwheel in the living room. MY WELCOME MAT SAYS "WIPE YOUR PAWS." It's all so cute. (I also think I'll have to buy more things to fill all of the closets...)

Living alone does make me a little nervous, but I think it will be good for me. It's a symbol of growth and independence. It's a new chapter for me, and I'm welcoming it with open arms.

Now, here's the funny part... Originally what I had written included some bad news as well:

The bad news is that while I've managed to organize my belongings and keep my new home nice and clean, my mind has been somewhat of a mess.
I've felt like I've had so much to do that I haven't really had time to be involved in the rest of the world, which in turn has made me feel too uninspired to write anything of any substance. My creative juices have run dry due to lack of experiences in the outside world. I've been too self-involved.
All in all, this post isn't much of anything, just a little Hello, I'm still alive. Please keep reading my blog.

I wrote that on Friday. Today is Monday, and already things feel different. Yes, I had been feeling a bit uninspired since my move had me so caught up in my own life for a while. In the small span of three days, though, things have changed.

First off, I "experienced the outside world" a bit. Over the weekend, I spent time with friends, walked around my town to enjoy the unusually nice October weather, and tried out a pizza place near my apartment.

Second of all, the simple act of writing this post has already made me feel better. Writing my thoughts out helps me so much, and I guess as much as I love it, I sometimes forget just how therapeutic it can be. I can solidify and structure my thoughts so they're clearer. In writing about how I felt uninspired, though it could come off as complaining or whining (and maybe it does, unfortunately), my mind wandered its own paths. Why do I feel so uninspired? How can I fix it? What can I do? In talking through my problems — with myself, through the Internet — I find my own solutions. I feel better.

On Friday, I wrote out only the problem and posted it. On Sunday, I reverted it back to a draft. I didn't like taking something back like that, but it didn't feel right to publish something that was essentially me complaining. I wasn't comfortable sharing a piece of writing with you guys, however many readers there may be, that felt so... hopeless. It didn't strive for a solution.

I don't want the words I share to be not much of anything. I don't want just a little hello. I want substance, meaning, even in the smallest form.

So I revised what I had written, and now this post is ready for the public's eyes. Even if it started with a problem, I've progressed, and that's what I want this to be about. I'll complain on my own time. I'll write my problems down in my personal journal, not here.

I also realize how silly my whole train of thought even was. My "problem" wasn't a problem at all; it was my emotions teetering toward an extreme end of the spectrum. I had a duller social life for two weeks or so and was overanalyzing what that meant for me and my life, when in reality, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean that my life is boring or that I'm unhappy; it means I had a duller social life for two weeks or so. (Additionally, by exaggerating events in a I'm so unhappy type of way, I'm sure that at times I come off as unappreciative of the good people around me, which is not good.)

So, the point? A note to self, really, but perhaps you can benefit from it too:

Dear Self,

Do not focus on the bad when there is so much good happening around you. Do not take negative emotions and jump to negative conclusions. Accept everything you feel but use it to progress positively. Do not wallow in self-pity. Do not accept anything that you are not satisfied with. Remember that your happiness is in your control. (Why do I always have to remind you of this?) Make time for the things that matter. Make sacrifices for the people who are important. Embrace every part of life. It is yours.

With love,


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