Finding My Writing Voice

Sunday, April 15, 2018

I haven't posted much about my ~emotions and feelings~ lately, which is funny because I've actually been feeling more emotional than usual the past month or so. I've felt sensitive, pensive, and fragile. I guess when my mind is loudest, my writing goes quiet. Publicly, anyway.

This past week I've been comparing myself a lot to others, tricking myself into feeling insecure about things I was perfectly happy with, which I had gotten pretty good at not doing.

Part of it was about writing. Overanalyzing my blog and now writing about writing, again. It's certainly not the first time.

Writing comes in many forms. 
Writers come in many forms. 
None better than another.

But still.

Sometimes I look at the content on my blog and wish I went a different direction. I want to write words that pull at people. Words with power. Words that other people want to share. I read Vivian's essays and Jedidiah Jenkins' freakin' Instagram captions and think, That's writing. Those people are writers. Not me.

Because I know that comparison is a trap, I took my own advice this time and thought, Is that what I want? Do I want my writing to be like that?

The answer is: yes, sometimes. I want to recommend books and review subscription boxes while also wearing my heart on my sleeve. But it's an odd combination. It feels weird to be writing about such a variety of topics, touching both ends of the spectrum. But I guess, why not? Along with having interests to share and things to celebrate, I also have worries and concerns that I need to sort through. I'm human. That's what I've always wanted this blog to to be about, the ins and outs of being human.

I want my blog to be a place of positivity while also being transparent about any struggles.

Some of the posts I am most proud of on here are the ones that made me feel the most vulnerable. Even though I'm always nervous publishing them, they're the most rewarding in the end. That's what I want to do more of, being vulnerable, and accepting that I can do so without a bow on top. I can express my fears and worries without finding a solution. It doesn't have to be resolved by the end. It can just be.

I don't want to go quiet. I want to write the words floating around in my head. It doesn't have to be long. It doesn't have to be ground-breaking. It just has to be real. And it probably won't sound like other people's writing but that's a good thing, because it'll sound like me. It'll be my voice.

We'll disregard the silly blog name for now.

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