Who I Am And Who I Want To Be

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Birthdays are always a time of reflection. When I turned 23, I posted 23 things I'd learned. I shared some general words for 24. For my 25th, I listed 20 things I don't care about anymore plus five that I do.

And now, 26.

Another year older, another year wiser.

My birthday was last Monday and I did a lot of thinking about who I am compared to who I want to be. It felt good because those two points feel closer together nowadays. They say that your 20s are all about figuring out who you are. So far, that's been true.

There's a lot that I'm proud of, and what better time to pat myself on the back than my birthday (or six days after)?

Who I Am

I live with intention. To be honest, this hadn't really occurred to me until someone pointed it out, but yeah, I do. I make a conscious effort toward my goals every day.

I'm better at self-talk. I'm gentler with myself. Things still slip out here and there, but I do my best to talk about and to myself the way I would a loved one.

Making people laugh is always my priority.

More often I'm looking in the mirror and thinking, Hey, I look good. Nothing much has changed about my physical appearance; the difference is just that I love myself more.

Relationship-wise, the two of us are the best we've ever been.

I surround myself with good energies, both in real life and online. People who reflect who I want to be and how I want to act. It makes all the difference.

Who I Want To Be

Despite the strides I've made, I'm still always working toward something. There are a handful of nuggets of wisdom that I carry in the back of my mind while I continue bettering myself. Here are a few:

In Busy Phillipps' book, she said, "No one is going to tell you all the things you want to hear all the time. You have to know them yourself." My love language is Words of Affirmation. I don't think a person cares about me unless they pretty much say it out loud to me (and even then I can be skeptical). I value words a lot, but Busy is right, I'm not always going to get the words that I want from people all the time. I can't rely on that. I have to rely on myself.

When Rahul and I get into an argument, my biggest problem is that I struggle with letting it go. I can't agree to disagree. I don't know how to just drop it, so I end up prolonging it, which really isn't helpful to anyone. Then I read somewhere that stepping out of an argument isn't surrendering. Stopping requires courage, in a way, and is a win-win for everyone involved. I try to keep this in mind, to make things better for the both of us.

Jedidiah Jenkins spoke on The Rich Roll Podcast about how there's often a focus on the question "What legacy will you leave?" which is the same thing as "How do I want people to talk about me? What will my reputation be?" Instead of focusing on how we're coming across, he says we should worry about who we are and then how we come across will be great.

I have felt a great shift in my perspective of other people ever since I heard Kristen Bell's second "Armchair Expert" podcast episode. They talked about looking at a person's actions as a reflection of their situation versus a reflection of who they are as a person. I've been actively trying to do the former. Essentially, it is all about being kind, to everyone, including people that I do not like, which is the most important to remember because it's the hardest.

This is a very sloppy post but in the end, it's all to say: I'm proud of where I am and I'm excited about where I'm going. Here's to 26. May it be the best one yet.

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